021 ✭ a roundabout

[copernicus]

INTRO + VOLUME 1 (BELOW)  |  VOLUME 2

So, about Phantom Blood.

Phantom Blood is part 1 of JJBA, and while it’s not Araki’s manga debut, it’s still kind of… unpolished. It’s also inconsistent in art style and tone, doesn’t use most of the things that become series staples later on, and despite being less than 50 chapters long, is crammed full of things that make the entire thing seem like an overly busy b-movie mess.

But I also think that when it gets rolling in volume 2 it’s incredible, in at least two meanings of this word, and it obviously introduces very important characters: the Joestar clan, the vampire asshole at the source of all their troubles, and also the guy who pays for everything. It also has Araki’s trademark naming scheme in place: so many people are named after rock bands Jesus wept. So no matter how different it is from what followed it, Phantom Blood is essential to anyone interested in JJBA.

So of course I'm going to deal with it, volume by volume.

CONTENT WARNINGS FOR THIS VOLUME: child abuse, alcoholism, gore, blood, animal death, violent bullying, sexual assault, drowning, murder.

Also, the first five chapters just aren’t fun. They form a sort of ‘prologue’ to the actual plot and as such they’re a long parade of terrible things happening. There's really no way to make light of it; whatever you've heard from me or others about JJBA being ridiculous and funny, it sure doesn't start that way, as far as the story is concerned.

 

The first chapter is titled “Dio the invader” so you would think we’re going to see the rude dude already, but no, the first thing that happens in JJBA is human sacrifice.

The guy performing the sacrifice is wearing a mask, and after the mask is splattered with blood, it grows claws and embeds itself in his head. People around him are really excited about how it didn’t kill him. There’s dancing and posing, and then this happens:

So first we find out that you can get someone’s life force out of them by stabbing their veins with your fingers.

The volunteer presumably dies, it's not explicity said but I don't think anything else could plausibly happen after being stabbed in the veins with fingers, there’s more celebration, and the narration helpfully reveals that these have been the Aztecs all along. I would not take JJBA for a good source of information about the Aztecs. Then we find out that the people who possessed this demonic stone mask have mysteriously disappeared from history.

And also this:

Nice title drop, Araki.

 

We now jump to an old man coughing in his bed and calling for his son.

(Gorgeous Irene is a two-chapter manga Araki published in the early 80s. If even he admits it’s sexist I don’t even want to know what happened in it.)

The old man informs Dio that he’s going to die soon, and when that happens, Dio is to go to the address written on a letter. The person who sent it owes the old dude big time, apparently.

We flashback to 1868, 12 years ago:

Our host, Thenardier Brando, was there, as they say, at the field of Waterloo in a valley where a rich man’s carriage had collapsed. He and the woman accompanying him discover that most people died in the accident, but a child was still alive. Old man Brando doesn’t pay attention to any of that and sets about making a tidy score from the spoils of war robbing the dead.
In the luggage, he finds a gross stone mask, ignores it, and goes to steal a dead man’s teeth, AND THEN

It looks like Colonel Georges Pontmercy George Joestar the First is still alive!

He takes it that old man Brando saved his life and the life of his child, not realizing he’s talking to a robber. He thanks Brando profusely and promises him a reward. (Brando did, in fact, get money from him, and opened an inn with it. You could say he became a master of the house.)

We go back to the present in 1880, where Dio’s father tells him to go to the Joestar residence after he dies. Because, and I quote, “Dio has the brains to become a rich man”.

Boy howdy.

We cut to Dio standing at a cemetary and being justifiably angry at his father. 

He then spits on his grave. Because, you know, the point hasn’t been driven hard enough yet.

Then the narrator informs us that the Industrial Revolution was a thing. They’re very excited about it.

If you don’t end up thinking the Phantom Blood narrator is the best Jojo, I don’t know what to tell you.

The exposition about XIX century takes up one page, and on the next page, two jerks are bullying a little girl:

Namely they’re bullying my favourite Jojo girl so I hope they rot in fictional Jojo hell, but I’m getting distracted, because

A HERO ARRIVES

He then promptly gets his ass handed to him because he’s like, twelve, and those are two dudes who are larger than him, Jonathan what did you expect to happen

Oh right, spoilers: this is Jonathan Joestar, our protagonist, seen here making a very bad decision.

i mean i am 100% behind him here i would take on an entire army for erina if needed but he's like twelve and there are two of them

on the other hand: it's erina

… i think i’m getting ahead of myself here

Anyway,  Jonathan gets beaten up some more, gets identified as the only son of the Joestars like ten times within one page, and gets beaten up again. Erina gets worried about him and he’s like I HELPED YOU BECAUSE I’M GOING TO BE A SQUIRE AND SQUIRES HELP PEOPLE EVEN IF THE ODDS ARE AGAINST THEM

This whole scene has a lot less foreshadowing than you’d expect, honestly.

Jonathan walks home, where he sees a Whole Carriage pulling up, and also Dio showing us the true, correct and proper way to exit a carriage:

Dio Brando, a show-off asshole even at the tender age of 12.

Jonathan is puzzled about who this dude is and when he remembers we’re treated to this wonderful panel:

This is the first and last time anyone has ever been happy to see Dio. Run, Jonathan. Run in the opposite direction and never come back.

Jonathan and Dio introduce themselves, and Jonathan’s dog runs up to them because he’s a nice dog. Then Dio kicks him. Two panels later it’s revealed this was the first step of Dio’s plan to utterly destroy Jonathan.

Run, Jonathan, run in the opposite direction and never come back.

Next chapters starts with Dio being introduced to his new life of luxury. Jonathan then tries to be a nice person and help him with his luggage and Dio punches him for that.

This chapter’s title is ‘A new friend!’, I feel it’s important to note.

This isn’t the first time someone calls a Jojo “Jojo”, but it’s as good of a time as any to get to elephant in the room #1: the popular fandom theory says that the nickname “Jojo” came from the song Get Back by The Beatles (cw: transmisogynistic language in the lyrics). However, as far as I know, Araki has never confirmed this was the case. In fact, I believe he said Jonathan is named a restaurant he enjoyed eating at.

But on the other hand this song will be directly referenced waaaay later so maybe there’s something to it after all.

 

Then there’s a sequence where George keeps getting angry at Jonathan for being not as good as Dio.

I find this scene very unpleasant and I think Jonathan has every reason to be upset, especially since it's explicitly said that this is very different from what his father used to treat him like. However, every time I read it I get the feeling that Araki’s writing makes Jonathan out to be overly sensitive. Is it just me? Am I reading too much into it?

Point being, never mind Dio's actions, his very presence is already turning Jonathan's life worse.


We will see an example of this in a scene dedicated to:

Phantom Blood’s narrator is the best Jojo. Also, what is tone?

The thing here is that Jonathan is really good at boxing and people admire him for it, and then Dio joins in and beats Jonathan easily, so now nobody respects Jonathan anymore.

Which was all a part of Dio’s plan, of course.

 We end chapter 2 on this uplifting note.

The next chapter begins with Dio stealing Jonathan’s watch. Then he takes down the stone mask from where it hangs in the hall. George finds him like that and tells him his side of the story – he had just bought the mask the day his wife died, it’s a painful memory for him, it’s not even worth much but he keeps it as a memento of his wife. He asks Dio if he’s interested in it, which Dio denies.

Then we’re back to Jonathan, climbing trees, smoking a pipe and having a bunch of rude dudes be mean to him:

Where did he even get this pipe, he's like twelve.

Jonathan gets very offended at the accusation, jumps down to defend his honour, and gets beaten up. Then he realizes Dio has been telling people lies about him.

He takes it badly.

(gif by tumblr user wrybrando) (why is he wearing different clothes in the anime)

Jonathan sadly tells his dog that at least he will be his friend always, no matter what Dio does, and then he turns around and sees Erina. He doesn’t immediately recognise her, but she left him a basket with some fruits and a handkerchief he gave her alllll the way back when they first met.

Jonathan gets super cheered up by the fact that a cute girl noticed him and they start teen victorian era dating.

I apologise for how many pictures are here but this is a super cute sequence and probably the single good thing that happens in the ‘prologue’, I need to cheer up a bit.

But come on, look at them. Look at the dog. Look at them. Things are mega cute and happy and they’re going to get married and have ten babies and I’m going to cry.

 

So of course Dio is about to ruin everything.

 

Dio approaches Erina one evening and, as part of his plan to destroy everything that ever made Jonathan happy, forcefully kisses her. Erina takes it really badly, but her reaction… is somewhat surprising.

This scene is horrible and pointless in a lot of ways. The obvious thing is that it's about a young teenage girl being assaulted, and sadly, this is not the last time Araki will use a situation like this to create drama.

The less obvious thing is that this scene is, from a storytelling point of view, completely gratuitous. It exists only to pile further suffering on Jonathan, and, as you will see in a later volume, this specific method of objectifying Erina to create manpain was also absolutely unnecessary - there will be something else that happens to her that will not be nearly as gross, but would have achieved a similar effect on its own.

Erina will grow up to be one of JJBA's more important and, in my opinion, most interesting female characters, but Araki will pile a lot of shit on her on the way. Nothing as gratuitous as this, though.

With all that (important stuff) said, Erina being completely disgusted and furious at Dio, and him taking it badly, is something to make a note of. It’s something that might be relevant way later.

Something that will definitely be relevant way later: she sure has a glare, doesn’t she.

 

Scene changes to Jonathan playing with his dog while George and Dio look on. George tells Dio about how Jonathan and Danny became friends, and Dio is very surprised that you can be friends with a dog.

Also, Jonathan, this is not proper pet conduct.

Danny was a mean dog at first but one day Jonathan fell into a river and would have drowned, except

Heartwarming, and not at all ominous.

 

Then Jonathan runs into Erina, who’s weirdly avoidant, and since some of Dio’s buddies start jeering at him, he figures out Dio did something to her. So he runs home and attacks Dio.

Dio has shown himself as more skilled, but Jonathan is currently running on the ever-powerful fuel of righteous teenage boy fury and also being a shonen manga protagonist, so he quickly starts winning. At one point, he punches Dio so hard that his blood splatters on the stone mask.

Huh.

Dio starts crying to distract Jonathan from the fact that he has a knife hidden behind his back, but before anything comes of it, George comes around, breaks the fight up and yells at them. Dio and Jonathan both storm out of the room, the mask long forgotten.

 

Sometime later, one of the servants throws a weirdly heavy box into the incinerator. He reasons it must be some trash.

Even later, Jonathan comes home to see the same servant apologise to him profusely.

Have you figured it out yet?

 

Jonathan’s dog was inside that box.

Jonathan correctly guesses that Dio is behind it, again, as it was with every single thing that happened to him in the last few weeks. He takes it badly.

Dio did everything wrong, don't believe anyone who implies otherwise. 

For his part, Dio decides to maybe lay low a little. How kind.

This is where the ‘prologue’, as I referred to it in the beginning, ends. We’ve now established that we have a protagonist and an antagonist intent on completely ruining his life. The narration says that seven years pass. So what do we first see after this timeskip, in chapter 6?

Jack the fucking Ripper.

He’s going to be plot-relevant.

A few chapters from now.

First we’re going to see some fucking sports.

his leg is the same size as the rest of his body i am not sure if this is how anatomy works

there is so much going on here so i am just going to ask one thing: araki, why

 

Ahem. Jonathan and Dio are now finishing university. Dio got a degree in law, whereas Jonathan wrote a “magnificent thesis in archaeology”. They also kick ass at rugby, as we’ve, um, just witnessed. Dio has apparently really chilled out; Jonathan even admits that he’s been a nice guy. He still can’t bring himself to really call Dio a friend, though.

Turns out he’s right:

i am not going to apologise for including so many shots from these pages you will all know what i have suffered

Anyway, Dio and Jonathan return home, where their father is very seriously ill. Like, worryingly ill. He still finds a moment to compliment Dio and restate that his adopted son is as much of a member of the family as the other one.

Jonathan is suspicious about that. He’s also suspicious about other things:

Turns out his interest in archaeology was spurred by this old mask. He hopes to make a huge discovery based on it. We’ll see how this scholarly career works out for you, kid.

While working in the library, he accidentally knocks down a box. In the box he finds the letter his father wrote to Dario Brando all these years ago.

He’s pretty shaken about its contents.

 

A little later, Dio is taking up some medicine to his father and Jonathan won’t fucking stand for this bullshit.

jesus dio you are literally being accused of poisoning right now would it kill you to act interested

dio you’re an asshole

The letter's contents show that the illnes Dario Brando died of was eerily similar to the one George Joestar is suffering from right now, and Jonathan finds this mighty suspicious.

We get a flashback showing that Dio’s problems with his father were, actually, justified – Dario was a drunk who abused his son and wife. The fact that he insulted her even so many years after her death added a lot of fuel to the fire of Dio's fury.

After this insight into the circumstances in which Dio grew up, we see him very anonymously buy a mysterious powder.

The flashback ends, Jonathan and Dio are still staring each other down on the staircase, and Jonathan says he doesn’t trust Dio with medicine. This medicine, any medicine. And he’s going to check what exactly Dio has been serving their father.

Dio is somewhat upset by this.

I actually have no idea if Dio is truly worried about Jonathan discovering his plans here or not. We’ve seen him act well before, we’re going to see him act well later, so there’s theoretically no reason for his worry here to be genuine. On another hand, a bit later in this scene he shows some uncharacteristic emotional honesty, so I think that - even if all his talk about friendship is fake as hell -  the sweating and fear could maybe be genuine.

But we’ve got no time for that, because shit’s about to get thrown down:

Jonathan has no idea what kind of a person Dario Brando was, just as a reminder. He also really doesn’t care about this because there are more pressing matters at hand:

This scene parallels their fight as boxers in chapter 2, by the way. Dio tries to get the upper hand by using the same trick he used then – jamming a finger in Jonathan’s eye – but Jonathan is seven years older, wiser, and stronger; he’s not falling for that one again.

He makes a vow to protect his family, and throws Dio through the banister.

Damn.

Jonathan yells at him that he will go and have the “medicine” analysed. Dio realizes that this gives him a time limit of three days – which is how long it will take Jonathan to go to London and back – and he gets actually stressed about it.

So, next up,

the last chapter of this volume, featuring exhibit A in the “Joestars can’t dress themselves” gallery on the chapter cover page.

Jonathan announces to his father that he’s leaving for three days, and that until he’s back, his father should only accept treatment from a team of selected, trustworthy doctors. No, we never find out where Jonathan got these guys from.

Jonathan leaves, Dio starts digging through his room, and finds out that he and Jonathan have a shared interest in the stone mask. But while Jonathan just wants to make a buzz and explain things on the part of the science side of tumblr, Dio’s ideas are more sinister:

I seriously never thought of these things as tentacles, but whatever you say, Dio, whatever you say.

 

Jonathan’s travel to London has taken him to a pretty unpleasant place:

Ogre Street. No place for gentlemen, cursed, full of tough street thugs.

And sure enough, Jonathan gets assaulted by some interesting characters.

He takes it stoically.

Jonathan is so occupied with his Higher Cause that he meets threats with taunts like it ain’t nothing:

“Log-like” is certainly a way to describe his legs. Personally, though, I think they’ve got more in common with barrels.

Jonathan questions the thugs about medicine sellers, and the volume ends. Will he find anything? Will he be able to come back home? I can’t fight this feeling of anticipation anymore.

 NEXT TIME: Zombies! Vampires! Zombie vampires!

BONUS:

The panels of Jonathan being sad about his dog are probably one of the first panels of JJBA I’ve seen. Someone has posted them on tumblr.

They were, however, just a tiny bit edited.